Apple: Free rubbers for everyone!

“This is life in the smartphone world. Phones aren’t perfect.” – Steve Jobs.

Amidst the growing issue of relentless public media hype over Apple’s latest darling Tchotchke, the iPhone 4 concerning the “grip-o-death”, the tech giant called a press conference to clear things up. To shut up all the whiners out there, Apple is gifting all the screamies a free rubber bumper to wrap the phone in. This will help all those who have felt violated to have their entitlement quotas improved by one more piece of placation.

The antenna issue went undetected during the first round of reviews before the new iPhone’s launch, but some users noticed these problems after they received their phones. Since then, Apple has launched an update to the iOS operating system that changes how the software calculates the number of signal bars. According to most pundits, the new method gives users a more realistic view of their iPhone’s actual signal strength. This fix, however, did not alleviate any of the antenna issues that a few, but vocal, iPhone 4 users have reported.

“The data says the issue has been blown so far out of proportion, it’s incredible,” Steve told the press, ” I wish we could have done this in the first 48 hours, but then you wouldn’t have had so much to write about.”

Apple will send every iPhone 4 owner a free case. Starting next week, users will be able to apply for a free case on Apple’s website. Jobs also acknowledged that Apple can’t make enough bumpers to satisfy demand, so it will source cases from other vendors. If you bought a bumper from Apple, the company will issue a refund. Apple will not, however, offer refunds to users who bought third-party cases.

This song says it all. This is friggin America people. If you don’t want to use an Apple iPhone, or if you don’t think it works as expected take the stupid thing back and get your money or better yet buy a Droid. They have no problems…whatsoever.